Relationship Counselling, Sex Therapy & Sex Addiction Therapy for Singles, Couples & Groups

Blog

“Shame” – the driver which maintains sex addiction

Vital to understand the interplay between Shame and Guilt in maintaining sex addiction. Addiction and shame are inseparable. Shame and guilt are emotions causing negative self-evaluation. There is a difference between guilt and shame. Guilt says: ” This behaviour is bad”. Shame says: “I’m a bad person”.

Not about sex, all about an addiction!

Sex Addiction is very little to do with sex, but all to do with Addictions. People become addicted as they find a way to soothe the pain of life’s problems, conflicts, stresses, anxieties, concerns, relationship pain, losses, concerns and heartaches. Pain hurts!

The brain will do all that it must do to quench pain and re-establish harmony.  There are different parts of the brain with different functions. The brain hates pain. It loves pleasure. Neurochemicals are released and affect the brain in certain situations and extreme environments. The logical thinking side of the brain frquently gets overridden by the feeling side of the brain and causes us to go against logic, in favour of feelings; feelings drive us to mask pain with “false” intimacies.

Problem! There is always a kick back. The kick back eventually hurts us more than the feeling which we sought to quench. The temporary fix is short lived and we pay a price much higher than we had ever thought, expected or bargained for. Help is available.

Multiple addictions

Work on one addiction and self help techniques with inadequate rehab, counseling, sex therapy and sex facts may see other addictions re-surfacing, like gambling addiction, alcoholism & alcohol addiction, alcohol abuse, drug abuse, drug addiction, substance abuse, heroin addiction, cocaine addiction and food addiction.  The need to attend SAA, a 12 steps programme, good sex facts, what is good sex, what is kinky sex, defining whether you are suffer from love & sex addiction, masturbation addiction, supersex, sex addiction recovery are just some of the features and work which you will undertake with a competent sex addiction therapist.

We can work by Skype any where in the world. Send me an email.

Gary McFarlane can be contacted on 0786 609 7247 or via Email: gary.g.mcfarlane@blueyonder.co.uk

 

 

Buy now for just £7.99!

Now available from AMAZON.COM – ISBN 9781463556952

Bringing colour back to life

*******************************************************

Workshop for Woman partners of sex addicts   Saturday 15 June 2013  10.30am to 12noon

 3rd Floor, Trelawny House, Surrey Street, Bristol Bs2 8PS        Gary McFarlane  0786 609 7247         £30

 Email: gary.g.mcfarlane@blueyonder.co.uk    Website: www.sexaddictiontreatment.co.uk               www.garymcfarlane.com

Highly confidential – for women partners ONLY of sex addicts               Pre-registration is essential for admission.

Partner or wife of a Judge, a solicitor, a Barrister, an Accountant, a teacher, an IT Consultant, a utilities operator, a facilities manager, a HR Personnel, a company Director, an Actor. Whichever of these male personnel to whom you are in relationship with, sex addiction can have its tentacles into your relationship with them and leave you carrying a very heavy burden, with few people there for you to talk to about this world which has taken a toll on your relationship and continues to undermine it.

 Will it ever get better? Can he really stop the behaviours? Will I ever be able to trust him again? How do I know the children are safe? How do I compete with that stuff? Was it my fault or did I contribute? Was I not enough or good enough? How could I have been so stupid? How is it that I did not heed the signs that I now look back on and can see them?

 What do I do now? Do I really believe there is such a thing as sex addiction? Isn’t it just greed for more sex? What a nightmare? Where can I turn for help? What if people find out? How can I bear to carry this on my own? What about the children?

 I am scared to join some form of women’s group. Their problems are not like mine. What if it gets out. My husband won’t agree to me attending a group. He is getting his help, but I have to hold on in there and not tell anyone in case.

 It’s just not right. It’s just not fair. This is my life. He has ruined it. What am I going to do?

 Gary McFarlane, is a Mediator, Relationship Counsellor, sex therapist, sex Addiction therapist & love Addiction therapist.

 A past career as a Solicitor of some 25 years equips him well with the dynamics of understanding and balancing confidentiality at a high level, with discretion, tact and discipline.

 Women partners of sex addicts are frequently overlooked when it comes to treatment regimes – which typically focus on the man. Here is an introductory, highly confidential workshop for women ONLY to consider just some of the issues raised about – if you are able to put some trust in this facility which is there for you to get the help you need.

 Call me for a chat.

 Why group? You will face the strongest of resistance about getting involved. Many women will, however, testify to the fact that joining a group was the best outcome for their recovery. Why? The relief that other progressive, “got it all together women” are similarly affected! There is immediate shame reduction when you see normal, every day women facing the very same issues. Remember “Shame” is the base for keeping the men’s addiction firmly in place and shame will similarly keep you from the group.

 

 

*********STOP PRESS****************

WHAT MAY BE BRISTOL’S FIRST WOMEN PARTNER’S SUPPORT/THERAPY GROUP IS DUE TO BE LAUNCHED BY GARY IN FEBRUARY 2012. HIGHLY CONFIDENTIAL IN ITS COMPOSITION, IT IS WHAT MANY MANY PARTNERS HAVE WANTED FOR A LONG TIME.

CONTACT GARY FOR FURTHER DETAILS.

*************************************

Partners information pack

Female partners of Sex Addicts – receive your “Partner’s information pack” by sending to me a request by email.

 

Why do I see “Red” when I have contact with my mother?

Posted by on Oct 21, 2012 in Articles, Conflict Resolution, Divorce and Separation, featured, Sexual Issues, Singleness Issues | 0 comments

Why do I see “Red” when I have contact with my mother?

I love my mother dearly, but for some reason, I get so annoyed at her for the least thing. Whether we are speaking on the phone or I go around to see her, I catch myself feeling antagonised by her every comments. She does not say anything particularly different from the usual way that she has always been with me. What’s going on? It wasn’t always like this. —————————————- “Possessive” – of my partner? No, that is not a word that fits...

read more

New book available

Posted by on Oct 19, 2011 in Divorce and Separation, featured | 0 comments

New book available

My Book, The Art of Loving, is now available from AMAZON.COM and AMAZON.CO.UK – ISBN 9781463556952 Click here

read more

Newsworthy!

Posted by on Mar 14, 2011 in Sexual Issues | 0 comments

Workshop for Woman partners of sex addicts   Saturday 15 June 2013  10.30am to 12noon  3rd Floor, Trelawny House, Surrey Street, Bristol Bs2 8PS        Gary McFarlane  0786 609 7247         £30  Email: gary.g.mcfarlane@blueyonder.co.uk    Website: www.sexaddictiontreatment.co.uk               www.garymcfarlane.com Highly confidential – for women partners ONLY of sex addicts             Pre-registration is essential for admission. Partner or wife of a Judge, a solicitor, a Barrister, an Accountant, a...

read more

Buy ebook now £7.99!

Posted by on Mar 11, 2011 in Articles, Conflict Resolution, featured, Singleness Issues | 0 comments

Buy ebook now £7.99!

Now available from AMAZON.COM Click here

read more

Chatty stuff

Posted by on Mar 11, 2011 in Sexual Issues, Singleness Issues | 0 comments

  Workshop for Woman partners of sex addicts   Saturday 15 June 2013  10.30am to 12noon  3rd Floor, Trelawny House, Surrey Street, Bristol Bs2 8PS        Gary McFarlane  0786 609 7247         £30  Email: gary.g.mcfarlane@blueyonder.co.uk    Website: www.sexaddictiontreatment.co.uk               www.garymcfarlane.com Highly confidential – for women partners ONLY of sex addicts          Pre-registration is essential for admission. Partner or wife of a Judge, a solicitor, a Barrister, an Accountant, a...

read more

Sex Addiction and/or Love Addiction

Posted by on Nov 17, 2010 in Sexual Issues | 0 comments

Not about sex, all about an addiction! Sex Addiction is very little to do with sex, but all to do with Addictions. People become addicted as they find a way to soothe the pain of life’s problems, conflicts, stresses, anxieties, concerns, relationship pain, losses, concerns and heartaches. Pain hurts! The brain will do all that it must do to quench pain and re-establish harmony.  There are different parts of the brain with different functions. The brain hates pain. It loves pleasure. Neurochemicals are released and affect the brain in...

read more

Yesterday’s child

Posted by on Oct 21, 2009 in Articles | 0 comments

Yesterday’s child

  Buy for £7.99! Bringing colour back to life Is there something about yesterday’s child – in me – which causes me to do relationships the way that I do?

read more

Audio Interview

Posted by on Sep 24, 2009 in Audios, featured, Sexual Issues | 0 comments

Sex addiction or Love addiction or nothing in a name, but truly a gender split as to which gender suffers from which of those Addiction? Listen to my Ujima radio interviews on Sex & Love addiction. “So much of the past can live in the present. Listen to Gary during a radio interview talking about the adverse impact on our lives that unresolved past experiences might be having on us. That which we are aware of, we have an opportunity to affect and endeavour to change the impact. That which we are not aware of as having an...

read more

Relationship Counselling at GaryMcFarlane.com

Posted by on Jul 21, 2009 in Conflict Resolution, Divorce and Separation, Sexual Issues | 0 comments

Gone are the days when to receive Relationship Counselling you have to check the Yellow Pages, find a Relationship Specialist in your area and then visit them for a consultation to find out if you’re compatible. At GaryMcFarlane.com, we’ve decided to take things a step further and offer our services and relationship advice online any where in the world. Whilst one-to-one counselling is always a good idea, many people find the process of visiting a relationship specialist a barrier to doing anything about their failing...

read more