*****Next Female partners support group workshop is on Saturday 25 March 2017 Cowan House, Weston Super mare at 10.30am to 12pm***
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“WHAT I WISH I’D KNOW BEFORE WATCHING PORN”
Sex & love addiction defined. See my Youtube video
Sex & love addiction is not about sex; but don’t say that too loudly because their partners won’t believe you.
SHAME + NARCISSISM = SEX/LOVE ADDICTION
Undermine shame. Expose Narcissism and you are on your way to sobriety
Why can’t I get control? Why do I keep doing this? Why can’t I stop? I really don’t want to be doing this any more!
CYCLE OF ADDICTION
“Shame” – the driver which maintains sex addiction
Vital to understand the interplay between Shame and Guilt in maintaining sex addiction. Addiction and shame are inseparable. Shame and guilt are emotions causing negative self-evaluation. There is a difference between guilt and shame. Guilt says: ” This behaviour is bad”. Shame says: “I’m a bad person”.
Work on one addiction and self help techniques with inadequate rehab, counseling, sex therapy and sex facts may see other addictions re-surfacing, like gambling addiction, alcoholism & alcohol addiction, alcohol abuse, drug abuse, drug addiction, substance abuse, heroin addiction, cocaine addiction and food addiction. The need to attend SAA, a 12 steps programme, good sex facts, what is good sex, what is kinky sex, defining whether you are suffer from love & sex addiction, masturbation addiction, supersex, sex addiction recovery are just some of the features and work which you will undertake with a competent sex addiction therapist.
The Boarding school experience
When problems go wrong in childhood, it will play itself out in all the persons adult relationships (especially if it was sexual).
The Boarding school experience is one such experience which may need exploring.
Children & Young people (CYP)
CYP viewing and being exposed to information, which is too explicit for the age and maturity of the young person, can be traumatic. Such early contact with sexual information, that is too much and too soon, can have an emotional impact on their later sexual experience and development. This may contribute to sexual dysfunctions and problems in later sexual relationships.
Sexual templates are unconsciously created from youth and will contribute to possible sexual dysfunctions, including sex addiction. We know that CYP see their first porn by aged 9-11 and the single largest porn group users are aged 12-17. 60-90% of under 16’s have viewed online porn and teens are spending on average 1-hour 40mins per week viewing online porn, with the primary focus being masturbation. Addictive and excessive masturbation then sets them up for continued false intimacy, rather than sex in relationships with real people. Instead many prefer cybersex.
“…We are witnessing high and rising rates of depression, anxiety, attention deficit, conduct disorders, thoughts of suicide, and other serious mental, emotional, and behavioral problems among U.S. children and adolescents….causing this crisis of American childhood is a lack of connectedness. We mean two kinds of connectedness — close connections to other people, and deep connections to moral and spiritual meaning….”
Some compulsive and addiction behaviours include
• Magazine pornography
• Internet pornography
• Cybersex: Spending time online focused on sexual or romantic intrigue or involvement
• Compulsive masturbation
• Compulsive acting out
• Male and female escorts and/or prostitutes
• Chat rooms and social sites
• Texting sex sites
• Swinging and/or group sex
• Multiple flirtation and/or affairs
• Sex binges
What is “sex Addiction”?
Otherwise called hypersexuality, Ego-dystonic Hypersexuality, Sexual Impulse Control Disorder, Sexual Compulsivity or Paraphilic and non-Paraphilic sexual behaviour.
It is a Maladaptive pattern of sexual behaviour leading to clinically significant impairment or distress, as manifested by three or more number of key markers over a 12 month period.
Various sex Addiction tests/screening checklists are available online.
We know that brain development is a significant contributor. Mood altering sensations are enjoyable.
Neurochemical changes – which the brain likes- helps to cope with the stresses and issues in life.
The brain will develope use dependency. Repeated acting out of desire becomes a must. Corrective action is needed at various and different levels to give back conscious and unconscious control of behaviour choices.
Addicts will risk paying a high price for the pleasures that come from acting out
The real pleasure is not so much the orgasm, but the chase for the ultimate experience.
Sex therapy intervention helps you to learn that you can survive without the constant sexual acting out.
..but don’t forget the partners who are affected and need help with the issues too
Gary is a member of the Association for the treatment of sexual addiction & compulsivity. Face to face treatment in Bristol or by Skype any where in the world.
Event: Workshop for Women partners of sex addicts
Date: Next workshop: Saturday 25 March 2017 – weekly over 8 weeks
(Workshops take place throughout the year at various intervals)
Time: 10.30am to 12noon
Venue: COWAN HOUSE, 21 ELLENBOROUGH PARK NORTH, WESTON-SUPER-MARE, BS23 1XQ
Contact: Gary McFarlane – Tel 0786 609 7247
Cost: £35 per session
Meeting: Highly confidential – for women partners ONLY of sex addicts
Pre-registration is essential for admission.
Partner or wife of a Judge, a solicitor, a Barrister, an Accountant, a teacher, an IT Consultant, a utilities operator, a facilities manager, a HR Personnel, a company Director, an Actor. Whichever of these male personnel to whom you are in relationship with, sex addiction can have its tentacles into your relationship with them and leave you carrying a very heavy burden, with few people there for you to talk to about this world which has taken a toll on your relationship and continues to undermine it.
Will it ever get better? Can he really stop the behaviours? Will I ever be able to trust him again? How do I know the children are safe? How do I compete with that stuff? Was it my fault or did I contribute? Was I not enough or good enough? How could I have been so stupid? How is it that I did not heed the signs that I now look back on and can see them?
What do I do now? Do I really believe there is such a thing as sex addiction? Isn’t it just greed for more sex? What a nightmare? Where can I turn for help? What if people find out? How can I bear to carry this on my own? What about the children?
I am scared to join some form of women’s group. Their problems are not like mine. What if it gets out. My husband won’t agree to me attending a group. He is getting his help, but I have to hold on in there and not tell anyone in case.
It’s just not right. It’s just not fair. This is my life. He has ruined it. What am I going to do?
Women partners of sex addicts are frequently overlooked when it comes to treatment regimes – which typically focus on the man. Here is an introductory, highly confidential workshop for women ONLY to consider just some of the issues raised about – if you are able to put some trust in this facility which is there for you to get the help you need. The aim is to facilitate likeminded women finding friendship and support amongst each other, which they develop outside of the meetings.
Call me for a chat.
Why group? You will face the strongest of resistance about getting involved. Many women will, however, testify to the fact that joining a group was the best outcome for their recovery. Why? The relief that other progressive, “got it all together women” are similarly affected! There is immediate shame reduction when you see normal, every day women facing the very same issues. Remember “Shame” is the base for keeping the men’s addiction firmly in place and shame will similarly keep you from the group.
Listen to these discussions by Gary about sex addiction
Send me an email to register your interest for the next women partners (only) group to commence in March 2015. Numbers are important for making the group viable and numbers will be limited.
Have sex addiction or love addiction therapy online.
“Bringing colour back to life”