Relationship Counselling, Sex Therapy & Sex Addiction Therapy for Singles, Couples & Groups

Addiction

Addiction

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

*****Next Female partners support group workshop is on Saturday 25 March 2017 Cowan House, Weston Super mare at 10.30am to 12pm***

 

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“WHAT I WISH I’D KNOW BEFORE WATCHING PORN”

 

Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT)

The work will involve CBT. Recognise that you can name the “B” in you life. i.e. The Behaviours. They may include: Viewing porn in magazines, the internet, cybersex, webcams, telephone sex, masturbating, prostitutes, kerb crawling, voyeurism, etc. But are you aware of the “C” in your life which drives the “B“? Before the Behaviours, are the Cognitive stuff going around in the mind. What you are dwelling on in the mind, (unconsciously or consciously aware of) will become the thing you act upon at some point – as the Cognitive becomes actual Behaviours.

What is “Acting Out”? The Cognitive stuff are Triggers which start from step 1 and increase to step 5. My then the Behaviours will inevitably manifest and show themselves from step 6 to 10. The Acting out is done. Therefore recognise the Acting out at step 1 and start at step 1 to fight back.

Sex & the Internet

Has sex addiction behaviours escalated or is it my imagination?

Let’s look at a timeline of developing technology in relation to sexual acting out.

DATE                                                           TECHNOLOGICAL ADVANCEMENT

Pre-Historic period                                   Cave men drawings on walls!

Pre-1860                                                      Erotic drawings, sometimes taking the form of paintings and Art. Sexual expressions were very private and hidden, behind closed doors. Erotic writings available to the elicit classes. Other cultures have drawings depicting sexual poses.

1860s – 1970s                                             Bathhouses, still photography images of the human body available with the advent of the camera, initially in black & white. Porn magazines and newspapers portraying nudity available and 8mm film projector moving images and under the counter explicit porn material.

1977 – 1990                                                   Video (VHS or Beta), phone sex, soft core porn on cable TV in the privacy of the home. Adult and Escort adverts in magazines, newspapers and yellow pages.

1990 – 2004                                                  Online bulletin board ads, proliferation of porn websites, prostitutes, Chat room, interactive sex through webcams, cybersex, online hook ups with sexual partners. 2nd life virtual world of your interactive creation.

2004 – Present                                             Sexting, virtual games and use of console and equipment for long distance stimulation, teledildonics, live video streaming from smart phones, smartphones with GPS to locate sex partners, lap dance clubs, social networking sites used for sexual outlets.

Technological advancements lead to sexual behavior escalation with increased access, affordability, availability, privacy and normalizing of behaviours without serious stigma.

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Technological Advancement     How long to reach audience of 50 million users

Radio                                                                                          38 years

TV                                                                                                13 years

The World Wide Web (WWW)/Internet                                 4 years

Social networking                                                                     16 months

Smart phone Apps                                                                     9 months

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Intensive sessions

Maybe recovery in a residential setting is either not feasible for you or not required, but more intensive sessions, meeting a number of sessions per week, does appeal. Contact me to discuss.

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Workshop for Woman partners of sex addicts   Saturday 28 March 2015  10.30am to 12noon

 3rd Floor, Trelawny House, Surrey Street, Bristol Bs2 8PS        Gary McFarlane  0786 609 7247         £30

 Email: gary.g.mcfarlane@blueyonder.co.uk    Website: www.sexaddictiontreatment.co.uk               www.garymcfarlane.com

Highly confidential – for women partners ONLY of sex addicts                 Pre-registration is essential for admission.

Partner or wife of a Judge, a solicitor, a Barrister, an Accountant, a teacher, an IT Consultant, a utilities operator, a facilities manager, a HR Personnel, a company Director, an Actor. Whichever of these male personnel to whom you are in relationship with, sex addiction can have its tentacles into your relationship with them and leave you carrying a very heavy burden, with few people there for you to talk to about this world which has taken a toll on your relationship and continues to undermine it.

 Will it ever get better? Can he really stop the behaviours? Will I ever be able to trust him again? How do I know the children are safe? How do I compete with that stuff? Was it my fault or did I contribute? Was I not enough or good enough? How could I have been so stupid? How is it that I did not heed the signs that I now look back on and can see them?

 What do I do now? Do I really believe there is such a thing as sex addiction? Isn’t it just greed for more sex? What a nightmare? Where can I turn for help? What if people find out? How can I bear to carry this on my own? What about the children?

 I am scared to join some form of women’s group. Their problems are not like mine. What if it gets out. My husband won’t agree to me attending a group. He is getting his help, but I have to hold on in there and not tell anyone in case.

 It’s just not right. It’s just not fair. This is my life. He has ruined it. What am I going to do?

 Gary McFarlane, is a Mediator, Relationship Counsellor, sex therapist, sex Addiction therapist & love Addiction therapist.

 A past career as a Solicitor of some 25 years equips him well with the dynamics of understanding and balancing confidentiality at a high level, with discretion, tact and discipline.

 Women partners of sex addicts are frequently overlooked when it comes to treatment regimes – which typically focus on the man. Here is an introductory, highly confidential workshop for women ONLY to consider just some of the issues raised about – if you are able to put some trust in this facility which is there for you to get the help you need.

 Call me for a chat.

 Why group? You will face the strongest of resistance about getting involved. Many women will, however, testify to the fact that joining a group was the best outcome for their recovery. Why? The relief that other progressive, “got it all together women” are similarly affected! There is immediate shame reduction when you see normal, every day women facing the very same issues. Remember “Shame” is the base for keeping the men’s addiction firmly in place and shame will similarly keep you from the group.

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Kairos

Sex & Love Addiction annual conference

Transitions: A time of reflection

Saturday 7 November 2015 (10am to 4pm)

Venue: E5, Jamaica Street, Stokes Croft, Bristol BS2 8JP

Cost: £65 Lunch will be provided, plus mochas, cappuccinos, lattes, tea, coffee, soft drinks in the Bistro

 

“I’m not where I need to be, but thank God I’m not where I used to be”                                               -Joyce Meyers 

In recovery, having therapy, working with a sponsor, attending a 12 steps group (SA, SAA, SLAA, Circles UK, Lucy Faithfaithfull Foundation or other) for sex addiction, love addiction or compulsivity behaviours; AA, drug addiction recovery – This annual conference is for you.

A time to reflect; to interact with those in recovery in a group setting, with teaching, group therapy and just being…

A time to take stock. Considering the process of change and transition; incremental shifts, not big leaps; the journey from there to here and stuff in between. How did I get here? Where do I want to be?

Contemplation, lounging in soft chairs, chat, own space, quiet reflection, interspersed with quality teaching from an experienced sex addiction therapist.

A non-threatening, non-taxing, reflexive day for chilling with a mocha, latte, tea, coffee, sort drinks as you lounge and interact or create own space in multiple rooms – in company with likeminded individuals in a highly confidential setting.

Space is limited. Book your place by emailing the facilitator (Gary McFarlane) and paying a deposit of £25 to secure your place.

(Pay online: Kairos Therapy Services Ltd – A/c No: 52210160 Sort code: 30 94 83).

Tel: 0786 609 7247

Website: www.garymcfarlane.com   & www.kairostherapyservices.com              

Email: gary.g.mcfarlane@blueyonder.co.uk 

Testimonial

“…all my gratitude and thanks to you and the work you are doing in the world. I contacted you in shame and confusion, concerned about the potential for this “thing” to take over my will and create havoc and deep upset in my life. I came to the end of our time together with understanding, tools and a knowledge that I am in charge – what a gift! I appreciate your patient listening and explaining, your flexibility around my process. As well as having a “handle” on addiction. I have found a new energy around personal development and spirituality as I have let go of the self-soothing that kept things in place, I no longer need. For all this I am very grateful.” – August 2015

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